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A westerner who wants to live in a Middle Eastern country has to be willing to make compromises. Some of these compromises are about fitting in with local customs but others are about fitting in with your fellow expatriates. As I learned on my first stint in the region, in Beirut, it sometimes takes considerable ingenuity to devise a suitable compromise.
When Sue and I arrived in Beirut, we quickly rented a small apartment in the city center.
The next day our employer asked us when he should tell our maid to come to start work. The maid in question had worked for our predecessors at the school and he assured us that she was totally reliable. (I can’t remember the woman’s name now but I’ll call her Khadija.)
Sue and I were both from working-class backgrounds and had political views that did not encompass the hiring of maids! So we told our boss that we weren’t going to have a maid. But all expatriates have a maid, he told us. They don’t cost much and they make life much more pleasant. We repeated that we were not going to employ one and that that was that.
The next day our boss approached us again. He said he had explained the situation to Khadija and that she was very upset. She had a young daughter and she worked as a maid in order to pay for her daughter’s education. If we didn’t employ her, her daughter would have to stop attending school.
As you can imagine, Sue and I felt terrible when we heard this and, after a little soul-searching, we agreed to hire Khadija. However, we weren’t willing to totally abandon our principles. So we decided to hire her for half-a-day a week and to pay her the same hourly rate that we were being paid as teachers.
Khadija started work. As she did a great job and was a very nice person, everything seemed to have worked out well.
No such luck! After a few days the director asked to see us again. The other teachers were unhappy with us, he said, because we were paying Khadija double the going rate. Our colleagues’ maids would soon hear about this and it was bound to cause ill feeling. We had to cut her pay to match what everyone else paid. No way, we replied. You really have to do this, he countered. We were adamant.
In the end we worked out an ingenious solution. We would pay Khadija for a full day’s work every week at the going rate. However, we would always let her go home after working only half-a-day. So her official rate of pay was the same as that of the other maids but in reality she received the same hourly rate as we were paid.
It was the first of many compromises that we had to make in Beirut and, later, in Libya. I think it was one of the better ones, though.
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Monday, July 29, 2013
Thursday, July 25, 2013
Driving a Hard Bargain
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Bargaining is an inescapable part of life in the Arab World, where very few shops and no markets have fixed prices. I was never very good at it, as was brought home to me when a group of us teachers from International House Beirut traveled to Cairo for Christmas.
One day, after visiting the Pyramids, Sue and I went into the village that is located next to the Sphinx. We popped into a souvenir shop and we both fell in love with a wall-hanging of an Egyptian scene.
“How much is that hanging?” I asked.
“Six Egyptian pounds.”
Having watched how Beirutis bargain, I knew better than to accept this opening price.
“I’ll give you three pounds for it.”
“No, the price is six pounds.”
Hmm. He was supposed to bring the price down but he hadn’t.
“Okay,” I said. “Four pounds. Agreed?”
He just looked at me and repeated, “Six pounds.”
He was clearly a tough bargainer.
“All right, five pounds. And that’s my final offer.”
“The price is six pounds,” he said.
Refusing to give in and pay such an outrageous price, we left the shop and went back into Cairo.
When we got to our hotel room, we realized that we were being ridiculous. The hanging was one of the best we’d ever seen and even at six pounds it was a real bargain. Luckily, one of our friends was going to the Pyramids and Sphinx the following day and so we asked her to buy the hanging for us. I carefully explained where the shop was and exactly where the hanging was inside the shop.
“He’ll ask for six pounds,” I told her. “That’s fine. Just pay what he asks.”
That evening she came to our room with the hanging.
“I suppose he asked for six pounds,” I said.
“Oh, no,” she told us. “He started by asking for four pounds but I quickly bargained him down to three.”
Go figure!
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Bargaining is an inescapable part of life in the Arab World, where very few shops and no markets have fixed prices. I was never very good at it, as was brought home to me when a group of us teachers from International House Beirut traveled to Cairo for Christmas.
One day, after visiting the Pyramids, Sue and I went into the village that is located next to the Sphinx. We popped into a souvenir shop and we both fell in love with a wall-hanging of an Egyptian scene.
“How much is that hanging?” I asked.
“Six Egyptian pounds.”
Having watched how Beirutis bargain, I knew better than to accept this opening price.
“I’ll give you three pounds for it.”
“No, the price is six pounds.”
Hmm. He was supposed to bring the price down but he hadn’t.
“Okay,” I said. “Four pounds. Agreed?”
He just looked at me and repeated, “Six pounds.”
He was clearly a tough bargainer.
“All right, five pounds. And that’s my final offer.”
“The price is six pounds,” he said.
Refusing to give in and pay such an outrageous price, we left the shop and went back into Cairo.
When we got to our hotel room, we realized that we were being ridiculous. The hanging was one of the best we’d ever seen and even at six pounds it was a real bargain. Luckily, one of our friends was going to the Pyramids and Sphinx the following day and so we asked her to buy the hanging for us. I carefully explained where the shop was and exactly where the hanging was inside the shop.
“He’ll ask for six pounds,” I told her. “That’s fine. Just pay what he asks.”
That evening she came to our room with the hanging.
“I suppose he asked for six pounds,” I said.
“Oh, no,” she told us. “He started by asking for four pounds but I quickly bargained him down to three.”
Go figure!
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Father and Son ( or Morning Has Broken)
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Yahya was the brother of one of our Lebanese friends. He told us a rather touching story about him and his father.
When Yahya was a teenager, he liked to sleep late but his father was an early riser. So in the mornings his father would burst noisily into Yahya’s bedroom. “Get up, you lazy boy,” he would shout, and he would drag Yahya out of bed. This went on day after day for years. And Yahya hated it.
Then one day, when he was a young adult, Yahya decided that he’d had enough of this treatment.
“Oh, my father,” he said. “Why is that that every morning you come into my room like the Israeli army? You shout and scream and you drag me out of bed. By Allah, it is a very cruel way to wake me. Couldn’t you wake me in a more gentle way?”
The next morning his father opened the bedroom door quietly and walked softly over to the bed. He put his hand on Yahya’s shoulder and gave him the gentlest of shakes.
“Oh, my son,” he crooned. “The night has ended and a new day is beginning. The silver moon has gone to rest and the golden orb of the sun has begun its journey across the azure sky. It is time for you to open your beautiful eyes.”
Yahya sat up.
“Oh, thank you, my father,” he said. “I love you.”
“I love you, too, my son.”
They embraced, and they cried tears of happiness and love.
The following morning his father burst into the bedroom like the Israeli army again and dragged Yahya out of bed.
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Yahya was the brother of one of our Lebanese friends. He told us a rather touching story about him and his father.
When Yahya was a teenager, he liked to sleep late but his father was an early riser. So in the mornings his father would burst noisily into Yahya’s bedroom. “Get up, you lazy boy,” he would shout, and he would drag Yahya out of bed. This went on day after day for years. And Yahya hated it.
Then one day, when he was a young adult, Yahya decided that he’d had enough of this treatment.
“Oh, my father,” he said. “Why is that that every morning you come into my room like the Israeli army? You shout and scream and you drag me out of bed. By Allah, it is a very cruel way to wake me. Couldn’t you wake me in a more gentle way?”
The next morning his father opened the bedroom door quietly and walked softly over to the bed. He put his hand on Yahya’s shoulder and gave him the gentlest of shakes.
“Oh, my son,” he crooned. “The night has ended and a new day is beginning. The silver moon has gone to rest and the golden orb of the sun has begun its journey across the azure sky. It is time for you to open your beautiful eyes.”
Yahya sat up.
“Oh, thank you, my father,” he said. “I love you.”
“I love you, too, my son.”
They embraced, and they cried tears of happiness and love.
The following morning his father burst into the bedroom like the Israeli army again and dragged Yahya out of bed.
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God's Will
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A British friend, Fred, was visiting Sue and me in Beirut. He was thinking of buying a rug during his visit and so we gave him directions to a local store that sold carpets and rugs.
When the entered the store, he was surprised to see the owner was lying on the floor next to a pile of rolled up rugs. The owner explained that he was trying to reach a kitten that was hiding among the rugs. He’d been trying to coax it out for hours, he said, but with no success.
“Let me try,” said Fred. He got down on his hands and knees, made a couple of “pss” noises and out came a lovely little gray and white kitten.
The store owner grabbed the kitten, put it into a shoebox and tied up the box with string.
“Are you going to take it home?” asked Fred.
“Oh, no,” said the owner. “I don’t like cats.”
“You aren’t going to kill it, I hope, “ said Fred.
The owner looked shocked. “Oh, no, that would be haram (a sin).”
“So what are you going to do with it?”
“I’m going to put the box in the middle of the road”.
Fred didn’t like the sound of this. “But it will get run over. You will have killed the kitten.”
“Not at all,” the owner responded. “If it gets run over, it'll be nothing to do with me. It will be Allah's will. We are all in Allah's hands.”
Like most Brits, Fred had a less fatalistic view of life. So that evening Sue and I came home to find we had become the adoptive parents of a little white and gray kitten. We named her Habibi.
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A British friend, Fred, was visiting Sue and me in Beirut. He was thinking of buying a rug during his visit and so we gave him directions to a local store that sold carpets and rugs.
When the entered the store, he was surprised to see the owner was lying on the floor next to a pile of rolled up rugs. The owner explained that he was trying to reach a kitten that was hiding among the rugs. He’d been trying to coax it out for hours, he said, but with no success.
“Let me try,” said Fred. He got down on his hands and knees, made a couple of “pss” noises and out came a lovely little gray and white kitten.
The store owner grabbed the kitten, put it into a shoebox and tied up the box with string.
“Are you going to take it home?” asked Fred.
“Oh, no,” said the owner. “I don’t like cats.”
“You aren’t going to kill it, I hope, “ said Fred.
The owner looked shocked. “Oh, no, that would be haram (a sin).”
“So what are you going to do with it?”
“I’m going to put the box in the middle of the road”.
Fred didn’t like the sound of this. “But it will get run over. You will have killed the kitten.”
“Not at all,” the owner responded. “If it gets run over, it'll be nothing to do with me. It will be Allah's will. We are all in Allah's hands.”
Like most Brits, Fred had a less fatalistic view of life. So that evening Sue and I came home to find we had become the adoptive parents of a little white and gray kitten. We named her Habibi.
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Getting Worse
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We hear so much about Islamic extremism these days that I suspect most westerners think the Arabs have always been intolerant and fanatical. This isn’t at all the case, except perhaps in Saudi Arabia.
Take Libya. It was an Islamic country when I lived there and most Libyans were pretty devout Muslims. However, they were generally very tolerant when it came to other religions. For example, every Libyan fasted during Ramadan but nobody ever tried to impose fasting on westerners. In fact, people in villages would offer us Pepsis while they themselves were abstaining from drinking anything from 4:30 a.m. to 8:00 p.m. every day for a month.
Libyans would ask me and the other teachers at our school what our religion was. When we told them we were Christians, they would smile and say something like, “Christian, Muslim, Jew, same-same.” From what I see on the news, I very much doubt that the same attitude prevails today.
Even in Egypt, the most sophisticated Arab country, religion has gradually become more oppressive. When I first visited Cairo, in 1970, I don’t think I saw a single woman wearing a hijab or headscarf. By the mid 1980s the situation had changed and most women covered their heads when outside. From what I've been seeing on the news recently, it seems that that any Egyptian woman venturing onto the streets bareheaded nowadays risks being sexually assaulted or having acid thrown in her face.
I find it all terribly sad.
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We hear so much about Islamic extremism these days that I suspect most westerners think the Arabs have always been intolerant and fanatical. This isn’t at all the case, except perhaps in Saudi Arabia.
Take Libya. It was an Islamic country when I lived there and most Libyans were pretty devout Muslims. However, they were generally very tolerant when it came to other religions. For example, every Libyan fasted during Ramadan but nobody ever tried to impose fasting on westerners. In fact, people in villages would offer us Pepsis while they themselves were abstaining from drinking anything from 4:30 a.m. to 8:00 p.m. every day for a month.
Libyans would ask me and the other teachers at our school what our religion was. When we told them we were Christians, they would smile and say something like, “Christian, Muslim, Jew, same-same.” From what I see on the news, I very much doubt that the same attitude prevails today.
Even in Egypt, the most sophisticated Arab country, religion has gradually become more oppressive. When I first visited Cairo, in 1970, I don’t think I saw a single woman wearing a hijab or headscarf. By the mid 1980s the situation had changed and most women covered their heads when outside. From what I've been seeing on the news recently, it seems that that any Egyptian woman venturing onto the streets bareheaded nowadays risks being sexually assaulted or having acid thrown in her face.
I find it all terribly sad.
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The Perfect Teacher
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Almost all of the students in our school in Libya were happy with their teachers and their classes, but I did occasionally have to deal with complaints from Libyan and other Arab students. When these complaints were justified, I tried to find a solution to them. However, many of the complaints were ridiculous and I eventually hit on a good way to handle these by drawing on my (very limited) knowledge of Islam. My approach went like this.
Student: Director, you must give me a new class. My teacher is not good.
Me: Oh, really. What’s the problem?
Student: Today she was spelled a word wrong on the board.
Me: Well, you know, spelling in English is much more difficult than spelling in Arabic. Even teachers sometimes make mistakes.
Student: No, this is not good. Teachers cannot make mistakes. I want a teacher who does not make mistakes.
Me: So you want a perfect teacher?
Student: Yes.
Me: Are you not a Muslim, then?
Student: Of course I am a Muslim.
Me: I don’t think so.
Student: Why do you say this? I am a good Muslim.
Me: I don’t think so. Good Muslims respect the Holy Koran and you don’t.
Student: Of course I respect the Holy Koran.
Me: But the Holy Koran says that people are never perfect. Only Allah is perfect. So if you want a teacher who is perfect, you can’t be a good Muslim.
At this point the student would always decide to stay in the class. And I would go and remind the teacher concerned that she/he should be more careful when writing on the board.
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Almost all of the students in our school in Libya were happy with their teachers and their classes, but I did occasionally have to deal with complaints from Libyan and other Arab students. When these complaints were justified, I tried to find a solution to them. However, many of the complaints were ridiculous and I eventually hit on a good way to handle these by drawing on my (very limited) knowledge of Islam. My approach went like this.
Student: Director, you must give me a new class. My teacher is not good.
Me: Oh, really. What’s the problem?
Student: Today she was spelled a word wrong on the board.
Me: Well, you know, spelling in English is much more difficult than spelling in Arabic. Even teachers sometimes make mistakes.
Student: No, this is not good. Teachers cannot make mistakes. I want a teacher who does not make mistakes.
Me: So you want a perfect teacher?
Student: Yes.
Me: Are you not a Muslim, then?
Student: Of course I am a Muslim.
Me: I don’t think so.
Student: Why do you say this? I am a good Muslim.
Me: I don’t think so. Good Muslims respect the Holy Koran and you don’t.
Student: Of course I respect the Holy Koran.
Me: But the Holy Koran says that people are never perfect. Only Allah is perfect. So if you want a teacher who is perfect, you can’t be a good Muslim.
At this point the student would always decide to stay in the class. And I would go and remind the teacher concerned that she/he should be more careful when writing on the board.
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Monday, April 8, 2013
Honesty Isn't Always the Best Policy
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One of the things I struggled with during my early days in Libya was the relationship between honesty and politeness. In common with many other people in the less developed world, Libyans really disliked saying "No" to any requests from friends and to foreigners visiting their country. (The concept of hospitality is very important throughout the Mid East and Africa.) As they saw it, saying "No" implied that you didn't want to help the person concerned. So if you asked a Libyan for help or information that he couldn't supply, he would always say "Yes" - but then wouldn't deliver.I experienced a typical example of this when Sue and I invited a Libyan friend, Mohamed, to our house for dinner. The agreed day and time arrived but Mohamed didn't. Time was a flexible concept and so we waited patiently. One hour went by. Then two. Finally, I called our friend's house.
"Hello. Can I speak to Mohamed."
"Sorry but he isn't here. He's in England."
"In England? Oh, did he have to make an unexpected trip there?"
"No. He arranged the trip months ago."
Clearly at the time that Mohamed accepted our invitation, he already knew he wouldn't be able to come to dinner with us. However, it would have been rude for him to turn down our invitation. So he did the polite thing and accepted it, knowing full well that he couldn't come to dinner!
A potentially more serious situation occurred when a group of teachers from our school ran into the politeness/honesty problem in a village outside Tripoli. The first I heard of the incident was when the teachers returned to work the following day. This is what had happened.
While driving around, they stopped in a village and noticed an interesting, small mosque. An old man, presumably the imam, was sitting outside. They greeted him and he returned their greetings. As he seemed to be very friendly, they asked him if they could take a quick look inside the mosque. "Please," he said and motioned for them to enter. They removed their shoes and went in.
The man immediately and went reported the teachers to the local police. The latter came and arrested the teachers for having gone into the mosque. Luckily, when the police called the Ministry of the Interior in Tripoli for instructions, they got through to one of our students, who told the police to let the teachers go.
I tried to explain to the teachers why the imam had done what he did. They didn't get it. As far as they were concerned, he was just a crazy old man who said they could do something but then had them arrested for doing it. I suppose that's one way of looking at it!
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